“No matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong road, turn back.” - Turkish Proverb
People can change, but there’s one condition. You have to want to. Change that is.
Is that you? Do you want to change your abusive behaviour, and you’re looking for encouragement, suggestions, or insight? If so, I’ve been doing some writing about this and I’ve decided to start making it public in this newsletter. Maybe it can help.
Hi, my name is Andrea, and my experience with abuse has gone full circle, from being abused to being abusive, spending a lot of years abusing my husband and trying to stop, all the way to finally being able to say: “I’m no longer abusive.”
The journey has been game-changing. Along the way, I’ve been really lucky - I’ve had a great career as an entrepreneur, author, speaker and coach, helping people create meaningful lives, but behind the scenes in our family, there was this undercurrent of abusiveness. What you may understand is that more than one thing can be true at the same time. You may be doing quite well in some parts of your life, but you wonder if you’ll ever be able to stop being abusive. Well, I’m here to say you can.
One day my husband and I were chatting and we agreed - what we’ve learned about how to get out on the other side of domestic violence? These lessons are meant to be for more than just us. So I started to write about it, and here we are.
We love our life so much now, and we worked hard for it. With his support, I went back to college to study emotional abusiveness. And now, I’m ready to pour these ideas out so they can help as many people as possible stop being abusive, one day at a time.
I’m really glad you’re here.
What will you get when you subscribe?
When you subscribe to the free newsletter, you’ll get regular writing and recommendations from me, with updates in email.
I don’t know of another place where you’ll hear directly from someone who understands what makes humans tick (or not tick), knows how to support lasting changes in behaviour, AND who has done this work herself. I hope you’ll find it worth a subscribe, and will help spread the word. One day, maybe there’ll be a lot more places to go for this conversation, but until then, I’m here.
Is there a paid version of We Can Stop Being Abusive?
Eventually, my hope is to make a paid version of this publication available for a small amount, between $5 and $10/month. With this support from readers, I’ll be able to devote more energy here. I have ideas for extras, like a monthly online call or other ways to encourage discussion, and participation. Guest interviews from other experts are also on my list. If you have any requests, I’d love to hear. Let me know at andrealeeonline at gmail dot com.
And for those who have a need, I’ll be sure to make alternatives available if paying isn’t possible.
Who else is this for?
If you’re not someone who’s behaved abusively, you might still be interested in subscribing. You may have behaved badly in other ways, and the ideas here serve you.
Or, if you’re someone who’s being abused right now, at home or work, I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you know about the many resources available to you, and if this newsletter adds something you’re not already getting somewhere else, of course you’re really welcome. I’ve been told that it can be a relief to share articles that speak directly to the people in our lives who can do better. If that’s true, go for it.
A caveat
As I hope is clear, I’m not a therapist or counsellor, and this newsletter isn’t a substitute for that. I’m someone who’s been where you are, and can help you reflect. Emotional abuse is a complex problem, and it takes a combination of things to stop, and make that change last. I support you 100% in seeking a therapist, joining a group, reading, going to church, medical help, or any other legal and moral choices you make to help you break the cycle of abuse.
Image credit: Photo by Cameron Venti on Unsplash
