Hi. Wow. It’s a new year. Happy New Year to you, really. Despite all the sad things and unhappy situations, including acknowledging life can be very hard sometimes, I hope that the things you most hope for in your heart come true in 2021, even just a little.
Today, I want to share a little about what’s been going on behind the scenes at this blog, as a kind of new year update. And that starts with thanking you for reading, and even more so, for sharing this blog. In January 2020, I decided to just. start writing. more. Since then we’ve grown a lot:
We’re now read on almost every continent, and from what I hear, you are making real, measurable change in your abusiveness. I acknowledge every ounce of effort you’re making and am VERY proud of you. THANK YOU.
Keep going, please, because it only gets better.
As you’ve probably noticed, today I’m writing on a more personal note
Whether you’re abusive, are being emotionally abused still, or, you’re a caring bystander - I deeply appreciate your part in this journey. But the truth is, things have become a little quiet around here in the last several months - this is the first time I’m writing you in more than 2 months - and I want to address that. It starts by saying that…in September of 2020, my Dad died.
That was something I needed some time with, for sure, in order to feel energetically in sync with life again. And then, in December, my acupuncturist, who had become a kind of father-figure - so wise, warm, funny and deeply caring about my well-being, also died. These two passings have really tested me, and I stopped writing here for awhile. What I realise is a few things which I want to share with you:
(1) I’ll never know when it’s the last time I’ll get to do something.
Even though I needed time to grieve, I was also very aware that I urgently want to support abusive individuals to stop their abusiveness.
(2) I invested a lot of energy looking for a publishing partner for the ‘You Can Stop Being Abusive’ book.
My book proposal is pretty great, I think. And I’ve had some kind comments, but my sense is that the topic is just a little too much, too early, for this moment in time in society. Plus, I’m lacking in the credibility department, making it hard for the traditional publishing world to ‘buy me’ right now. So that magic mix of getting the right attention for this book hasn’t quite happened yet.
And that’s okay. I’m certainly not quitting, but I’m not forcing it either. You know, I’m not letting myself get overly riled up about it.
I’m not afraid of the work to get that book out in the world, either. But I believe in right timing and energy and… I’m ready to call it. It’s time to focus on other ways to get the ‘stop being abusive’ message out, so people who need it RIGHT NOW get it right now.
When the time is right for the book proposal to sell, I know it will. And it will be with a very special set of champions. (NOTE: If you’re someone or know someone who can help, I am all ears! I’m just not going to stay in hyper-drive about it for at least the next 6 months.)
(3) Instead, would you be willing to send me your questions and concerns, your fears, your hopes and your deepest wishes, and I’ll answer them as directly as I can here, and on other fast-responding platforms?
What I want most from this blog in 2021, the thing I get fierce about when I connect deeply…. I want the writing to be:
- as directly useful to you as possible
- less isolated for me, and…
- less about making a case for others to publish a book, podcast or other.
There will come a time when support for remorseful perpetrators will become mainstream. When that happens, we will have been here all along. Until then…
I’d like to make the articles here about your questions. The situations you’re specifically trying to walk through, and the detailed questions you have about how to make it through.
I get these questions in email and in the coaching sessions I do with a handful of people who I’m working with 1-on-1. But I want to be fully transparent about this and ask everyone who reads here to take part.
Of course:
I would hold all your details 100% confidential - unless you want me to do otherwise and you explicitly tell me otherwise.
I would treat your questions with as much passion and tenderness as I’m able here on this blog. I’d write from my experience as someone who’s been there, draw on my 20+ years of coaching and teaching, and, I’d share people, resources and tools that specifically go to your concerns.
If I don’t know how to help, I’d be very clear about that, because boundaries and honestly are all-important in this.
If you’d be willing to help out in that way, it would put the focus back on you, which is where I want it.
A few final things.
I’m not a trained counsellor. But I will not ignore your requests to talk about your abusiveness either, which too many trained counsellors do.
I’m very clear about doing no harm, and I will tell you right away when I feel you should ask for other help.
I can’t guarantee how quickly I can respond to your questions, but if you have something time-sensitive, you can feel free to spell that out. I’m just one person and I do this outside of my full-time work, so please be patient. I will do my best. I promise.
Submitting a question and getting an answer on this blog is no-charge.
That’s it!
Now it’s your turn. I’m so hopeful I’ll get to hear your questions about being emotionally abusive.
HINT: You don’t have to be right in the middle of things - you can consider yourself a victim, survivor, perpetrator, in recovery, recovered, or a friend/ally/bystander…
Maybe you’re stuck in a situation. Don’t know what to say or do. You’re doing pretty good - improving - but have new concerns. Or perhaps you’re pretty sure you’re behaving badly but not sure where to start.It’s all fair game to ask, at andrealeeonline at gmail dot com.
I look forward to hearing much more from you in 2021 and responding to your questions.
Because in the final analysis, it doesn’t matter what format it comes in, a book, an article, a workshop, a podcast…if I’ve contributed to a single day, or week, or month, or year, of less or no emotional abuse for just one person? It’s worth every single precious minute.
Thanks for coming along for the next phase of this journey. I see and appreciate you!
”Your writing helps me connect with the abuser in me, to face that head on so I can change. ” - J.J.L.