could I ask for a little help?
if you have a few minutes to spare, this would make a real difference šš¼
Hi everyone, it's finally time to release the survey I've been working on for the last 3 years! Iām excited and a little nervous, but mostly hopeful.
But first, a friendly welcome to readers whoāve recently joined this newsletter. Though the circumstances thatāve brought you here are less than ideal, the fact that youāre here says to me youāre ready to change, and I celebrate that mightily.
Thereās quite a bit happening behind the scenes here which I look forward to share, but for today, I have a heartfelt request.
Three years ago, I made a big life change and decided to go back to school.
After trying to change my abusive behaviour for so long, I was determined to do some hands-on research about emotional abusiveness and school felt like the only real place to do that in a credible way. I knew (from personal experience) how hard it was to stop being emotionally-abusive - how often it felt like there was no help to be found. I wanted to do something about that, ASAP.
Well, COVID definitely delayed my progress but the day is finally here. This is the day I can officially ask you:
Would you be willing to share a bit about your journey with emotional abusiveness - confidentially of course - so that I can finish my thesis and help get this topic the attention it needs and deserves?
I canāt tell you how many times Iāve heard the word ānoā when it comes to this topic, and I bet you can relate.
āNo, I donāt help people who are abusive, I focus on therapy for victims of abuse.ā
āNo, thereās no book about how to stop being abusive.ā
āNo, I donāt think you can change. I think youāre in a lot of trouble.ā
āNo, we arenāt interested in funding your research project.ā
āNo, this isnāt the place for you. We donāt help people like you.ā
While all of these things are difficult to hear, Iām grateful for this moment because in this moment I get to ask your help.
With your help, we can answer the questions:
What has your experience of being emotionally-abusive been like, including the experience of trying to get support so you can change? And..
What, from your perspective, would be helpful in order to change?
If youād be willing to spare a little time to fill in the survey below, Iād love to make some progress on these questions with you. Because, bottom line, without answers from people like you and I, I donāt think things can change the way we want.
Without further adoā¦ here is the official intro to the survey, and the link > > >
Please note, thereās more informed consent language when you click the link. Itās long, because I want to make sure you know this is voluntary and that you donāt feel obligated to take it. I trust you to know if you feel good about taking it and of course, itās entirely optional.
SEEKING PARTICIPANTS FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSIVENESS SURVEY
For a research project exploring the emotionally-abusive individuals point of view, I am seeking participants to complete an anonymous, confidential online survey of approximately 15-30 minutes in duration. No identifying information will be collected and you may back out of the survey at any time.
There is more informed consent language at the outset of the survey, but here is a summary:
Potential participants should:
Be 18 years of older
Be comfortable reading and writing in English
Self-identify as someone who has behaved in an emotionally-abusive way within a primary romantic relationship, current or past
Have access to the internet in order to take part in the online survey (phone, computer, tablet, etc.)
If this applies to you and you're willing to participate, simply go to the link to begin.
The purpose of the study is to explore the perspective of individuals who have behaved in emotionally-abusive ways according to their own definition, in order help reduce or stop the harm they cause to their romantic partners and reduce emotional abuse within society.
For more information or questions, please contact:
Andrea J. Lee, Researcher
Andrea.3lee@royalroads.ca
Thank you so much!
P.S. If you think this is a survey that someone else would be willing to participate in, OR youāre the organizer of a community or group who would be willing to help me reach participants, Iād greatly appreciate you sharing. You can write to me for additional language to use, or use your own words and share the survey link directly:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/abusiveness
P.P.S. All things going well, this study will reach 25 or more participants easily in the next 30 days, and then by the end of 2021 (this whopper of a year) I will have a completed and approved thesis I can share with you. Meanwhileā¦ keep going, please. As I like to say, every day and every hour youāre able to not be abusive is a win, and worth working for. Iām rooting for you every step of the way.
Photo credit: Jen Theodore on Unsplash